Yes, I Lift. No, I’m Not That Guy.

If there is one thing I absolutely hate, it is people putting me in a box.

I hate being told what I can and can’t do and I hate being told how I’m supposed to behave and present myself.

But even worse than that… what I hate most of all… is when I’m told what I’m supposed to be.

Fortunately, I have designed my life in such a way that I rarely get told what to do explicitly.

But implicitly I do feel a lot of people expecting me to behave in a certain way, assuming that I subscribe to the same beliefs and norms that they do. People assign me certain traits when they see me and then act shocked if I don’t fit their perceived notion of who I am.

And a lot of this stems from the fact that I workout and chose to pursue fitness, as a hobby.

I’m not alone in this experience of course. This isn’t some sob story that’s exclusive to me.

It is human nature to judge others on their appearance or other limited information; and then to make assumptions about how they think that person is likely to behave.

This is a survival mechanism – a heuristic that allows us to make strategic choices based on little information.

I don’t really have a problem with that, as long as those assumptions aren’t so rigid and inflexible as to be unaffected by new, contradictory information (we call those people prejudiced AKA assholes).

Broadly, then, my issue is not with people assuming how I’m going to behave; my issue is with people assuming how I’m supposed to behave. And even getting annoyed when I don’t fit their preconceived notions of what a strong guy who trains is supposed to be.

For example, being strong, I am supposed to be an alpha male – or at least to embody some alpha traits. If I’m visibly muscular, then I must also be assertive, outgoing, physical, and traditional.

Right?

I should be the kind of guy who talks a lot about being a provider and a protector. I should be the head of the family. A mature, physical presence and the leader of his family.

I like to think I’m pretty canny in a real emergency – but if someone breaks into the house I’m telling them to take what they want and leave.

And I ain’t in charge of shit. My wife and I are very much a partnership. I do try and provide and be a good role model. But I think it’s just as important to be empathetic and a good friend to my family.

As a fit guy, I should probably be into sports (especially football, boxing, or MMA). Maybe I also like cars or… I don’t know… chopping wood.

As an influencer with a big subscriber count, I should definitely drive a fancy car by now. And probably show off my lavish lifestyle with watches and things.

If this all sounds a little bit extreme, I invite you to observe the cognitive dissonance on some people’s faces when they realise that what I’m actually into is playing with Transformer toys.

I’m not even talking about just displaying them. I’m talking about going upstairs and getting a Transformer toy to stand at the table so I can look at it while I eat. I’m looking at one right now, while I type.

I also like putting them into different modes.

This just doesn’t sit right with people because it’s not how I’m supposed to behave based on my looks. That’s not an alpha thing to do.

It’s… nerdy…

Respect lost.

I saw a video on the Betwixt YouTube channel, recently, that explained how a shift in culture de-emphasised creativity and fantasy and relegated it to the “childish” status it has today. This coincided the de-emphasis of “feminine” values around the same time society became broadly more patriarchal.

It was all very interesting and made historical sense. But what I’ve never understood is why anyone gives a toss what they are or aren’t supposed to enjoy. Or how they’re meant to behave. Why did so many people stop playing with their toys just because society told them it was childish?

Why are so many people so concerned what’s acceptable or not?

I understand that most people don’t enjoy Transformers. I can’t rely explain why I do. But the idea that someone would find this wrong or lesser just baffles me.

And the idea that someone would stop enjoying them, just because that’s the status quo… That’s even weirder to me.

Likewise, it’s very strange to me that people assume that only physically unfit nerds still enjoy action figures.

That’s one of the reason I’ve been featuring Transformers in a bunch of recent videos. To try and show that these are not mutually exclusive hobbies.

You know what else I do? I also watch videos about deep Sonic the Hedgehog lore.

I do this so obsessively that I’m not sure there are many left on all of YouTube that I haven’t watched.

Not very manly or very stoic or whatever else a fitness influencer is meant to be.

And, weirdly, some people are less likely to take my fitness advice as a result. My fitness advice is still good!

I should point out, at this point, that my audience is not generally like this at all. I’m very lucky to say that my audience are almost entirely open minded, free-thinking, and smart individuals who do not typecast or label and who oftentimes do share my interests. I’m speaking about the broader social media scene.

I’m talking about the few people who stop by from other fitness videos and get offended that I’m talking about Batman. That’s childish and I should really be showing off how cool I am because of my fitness. Those people find it jarring, I think, coming from the videos where strong people talk about the precise physique that attracts women.

Or how to get the influencer lifestyle. Like grown ups.

I never did understand the relevance of showing off how rich you are, or how good you are with the ladies when you’re supposed to be teaching people push ups, anyway.

In light of this information, people might make new assumptions about me. The fitness thing is an anomaly presumably, so I must instead be a massive nerd who just happens to do push ups.

Well, I mean sort of, I guess.

But I’m not really shy. Most of my friends are into football and have no interest in Transformers or any of my other nonsense – I don’t really have nerd friends. I was averagely popular at school and went on nights out and stuff!

In other words, I’m not really living the right geek lifestyle, either.

And the night outs shock people too, sometimes. Because someone who is fit and healthy is supposed to be really strict with their diet. I’m supposed to politely decline having a beer because it lowers testosterone and doesn’t fit my calories and will mess with my workout tomorrow.

I not only will have that beer, thanks, but I’ll also snack on that massive slice of cake my wife made me for Father’s Day.

But that’s so full of sugar! What about the gains!

Thing is, is I do like fitness. But I also like cake. And fitness doesn’t define me – I don’t have to do it perfectly or not at all. I don’t have to be 100% “on” all the time.

If you can’t relax and have a Diet Coke once in a while… to me that’s a real shame. Not that I love them, especially, just that I want the freedom to have them when I feel like it.

Here’s the thing: I am a guy who’s into fitness, yes. But that is not all I am.

And I think this is what seems to confuse a lot of people brought up online. People who believe they need to find an online “community” and then fit in with those people. Wholesale.

Thing is, I don’t really resonate with that much of the fitness content online, anyway. I hardly watch it!

I like fitness for different reasons than some other fitness influencers, for a start.

I’m not trying to be more alpha – I really couldn’t give a single shit about that. I’m not doing it to get women – that doesn’t work anyway and I’m very happily married to a beautiful woman who was never into “muscly men” anyway (her own words).

I’m into fitness because I read Batman comics and then I want to be Batman. I watch Dragon Ball Z and then I want to be Goku. I play Virtua Fighter and then I want to be Akira.

Also, I literally just like the sensation of leaping up to a bar and pulling myself up. Or doing a handstand.

Also, it’s my job now, so there’s that.

It’s the same reason I like martial arts. Not because I want to fight anyone or I like MMA. But because kicks look cool.

It’s not that deep.

So, I roll my eyes hard when people angrily tell me that this person or that person is doing fitness wrong. Or that this martial art doesn’t work. That kettlebells are dumb or calisthenics is dumb or that you can’t build as much muscle from home.

That all that matter are the big lifts.

I fundamentally disagree. But more importantly I don’t care… at all. We are not the same.

I don’t want to be part of the “lifting community”.

I mean it’s not a community, is it, really?

I have no interest in logging anyone. Or comparing my lifts to anyone else. Or talking about the “fitness lifestyle.” I just have an Adam lifestyle.

I vomit a bit in my mouth when some angry fitness guy claims that it is a “man’s moral obligation to be strong.” They say this, without a hint of self-awareness, even they those people might be happy to do steroids and probably have never stretched their hip adductors in their lives.

Sure, being strong can be useful. But not only for a “man,” especially. And no more-so than it’s also our moral obligation to be kind, or good at first aid, or helpful with the chores around the house, or empathetic, or good at DIY.

We’re all good at different stuff.

It’s not enough for fitness to be a fun thing that these people like to do. They have to make it an all-important philosophy that makes them superior to everyone else.

(Maybe so they can justify going to the gym every night and not helping with the dishes.)

So, just stop with all the added implicit baggage that apparently comes with getting into shape.

This might sound like a silly rant but I do think it’s important. I think it’s important not to project our expectations onto other people.

Just like when a hot girl reads comics and everyone’s brains explode. Or when Ned Flanders takes off his top and everyone’s brain explodes. Or when the big tough guy plays with Unicorns and everyone’s brain explodes.

You don’t have to be just one thing.

You don’t have to expect anything of someone just because they happen to have muscles.

And if you happen to be into fitness, you don’t have to commit to the whole lifestyle and culture. You can do it your own way.

And if more of us preach this message, I think it will ultimately invite more people into fitness. People who don’t necessarily fit the mould, like me. People who might be put off by certain aspects of it or who can’t find content that really feels geared towards them.

Because when you imply that people who are into fitness should behave a certain way, you also imply that only people who behave a certain way should be into fitness.

Whoever you are, you can pick and choose different parts of fitness as you like. You can commit as much or as little as you like.

And you can make that a part of the big tapestry that is “you.”

Fitness doesn’t define who you are any more than liking tuna sandwiches does.